I grew up not knowing who God was. My dad ran in and out of my life and my mom raised me and my sisters and brother by herself. At age 13, I tried to fill the void by visiting online dating sites. As a 14-year old I was bullied at school, and at night I would cut my wrist to relieve my emotions. And yet, God had a plan for me.
At 15 and I knew God wanted to fill that void in my heart but I didn’t completely surrender it to him. In high school I dreamed of going to college to become a pediatrician. But, just a few months before graduating high school I gave up my dream and ran from God. I was still visiting online dating sites looking for acceptance. I had been communicating with a man who lived in Massachusetts for a month. And on my 18th birthday, at 2 in the morning, I left. I left my loving family, I left high school just a few months before graduating, I left everything I knew for a man I had been talking to online for a month.
I was terrified. But God protected me even in my disobedience because he had a plan. My car broke down in the middle of my trip, but at 2 am and a nearly deserted highway, a man came up to my window and asked if I needed help. I told him that an officer was on his way and he threw a 20 dollar bill in my window and drove away. The officer took me to a restaurant to eat and a couple in the restaurant gave me another $20. After 2 months of living in Massachusetts with this man, we moved back to Missouri to live with my dad. Then the abuse started.
He abused me physically and mentally. We eventually moved into our own house and the physical abuse got worse. We spent our days and nights partying. I drank hard alcohol, I smoked marijuana, I took pills, anything to feel something. I became pregnant with twins, but lost them. I was heart broken and crushed. When I found out I was pregnant again I was so happy, because I always wanted to be mom, but the abuse kept getting worse. When my son Gavin was born everything changed inside me. I had become a mother, and I had been given a purpose from God.
When Gavin was three months old his dad pushed me down while I was holding him. I prayed constantly for a week to be rescued. My mom was the answer to my prayers. She came after me and brought me and Gavin back home.
Not long after being freed from the abuse, I gave my heart fully to Jesus and was water baptized. When I came up out of the water I felt so much peace. My heart was mended back to the way it was suppose to be and everything that had me bound just disappeared.
Jesus has freed me from the stress and has relieved my heartache. My life will never be the same again. I am so thankful that he protected me through it all and that he is still with me today. I have full custody of my son and I am raising him up to be a godly little man. Beyond all this God has restored my relationship with my dad as well. I am so incredibly blessed by God’s grace. I know now that God has called me to minister and serve women who are in the same situation I was trapped in. I believe he will use me to reach out to them and be the hands and feet of Jesus so that women know that there is a way out, and it’s through the freedom and the grace only God can give. The most important lesson I have learned is to trust God and know that when you are feeling alone, hurt or unloved He is always there He will love you no matter what you have done, no matter what has been done to you. He can heal anything and he can restore anything. He has created the heavens and the earth and he holds it all together. Why do you doubt that he can help you?
Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart. And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him. And He shall direct your paths.”
John 14:1 “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.”
Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”